#21in21: Day 19 (02152015)

Angelica at 19

was a beautiful mess of emotions and growth. Extremely service oriented and sensitive to the Spirit, the hardened parts of her heart were made flesh by the Lord. But it wasn't an easy road to attain a heart like that. 

19 was perhaps one of the most difficult years. Filled with great emotional pain, this Angelica learned the value of suffering. With that, she began to wish that she could take away the pain and suffering of the youth that she served, but also learned that if she were to do so, they would never grow.

Angelica at 19 was greatly cared for by the other leaders around her. She was surprised on her birthday by them, whom she did not think cared about her, but later understood the value of their friendships and the brother/sisterhood she had with them. Though she often compared herself to these people as a leader, she finally found that she was uniquely called to lead in the way that the Lord made her, and only her, to lead. Angelica at 19 acknowledged her anointing.

At 19, she felt the drift in specific relationships, but eventually learned to let go. In turn, she found love in new ones. She ached of loneliness, but finally understood that if she wanted to love with all of her heart, she needed to allow herself to be loved by other too. "Loving, honouring, and serving God" became her battle cry.

The 19 year old me thought a lot about vocations. She greatly valued the concept of "guarding and leading one's heart". For a good amount of time, she was convinced she was meant for the religious life, and completely closed herself off to the thought of an others. This conviction was backed up by the fact that she worked with children as a 9-5 job throughout her summer. From there she decided she never wanted to have kids, but after time she realized she was being silly. (This, of course, wasn't the only reason why she felt called to the religious life. I just thought it'd be a funny story to include). As time went on, she became confused in regards to her vocation, and decided to just be open to wherever she would be able to love, honour, and serve the Lord best.

O, my Strength! I am blessed to have been 19. Thank You for a value system so strong, I refrained from doing that which I became "legal" to do. Thank You for opening my mind to the possibility of loving You through various vocations, and for the growth and wisdom that came with working with children, teens, young adults, and the elderly. Thank You for making me anew each time I fell apart, and thank You for showing me the value of suffering. O, how I love You!