This week has been a reminder of
- how much time I have on my hands
- the fact that I don't get as much sleep as I should
- how much I actually unbelievably miss basketball
- how I miss getting lost in a book
- how little freedom I have/that I don't have much of a social life
- and how guilty I get when I do go out
In my own selfish ways, it isn't fair. I guess I do have more freedom than some people, but still. It's tiring only going out for practices and meetings, which has honestly been my life since February. I don't have a job this summer, so I've been sitting at home either reading or doing chores. It's hard to go out due to lack of transportation and early curfews. Oh well, blessed nonetheless. I'll be eighteen in seven months and fresh out of high school in a year. Hopefully things will change by then. /selfish teenage rant
Monday was a day spent at Mill Lake with the cousins. I would say the babies, but they've already grown out of that. Already 6 and 4, the older two always whine "but I'm a boy!" whenever I ask whether or not they're still a baby.
I get lazy to edit my photos, so almost everything is sooc, even the ones in the collages. Wow, I really need to get back into this. I guess I've just been so uninspired lately.
They asked me to make videos of them singing and telling a story.
I finally bought material for the chair covers my mom wants me to make, and a shirt I'm going to attempt. Hopefully I'll get started with those next week. I actually started painting last week as well. I don't actually know any techniques, I'm just winging it. I was aiming to paint a picture of a girl, inspired by the portrait of Sally from The Art Of Getting By. Somehow my strokes ended up reminding me of Mama Mary herself, or even another female Saint praying. I feel like keeping it that way, but now I don't know what else to add to it! It's really simple right now and I wish I started with a background first. Oh well, I'll probably end up posting it up here if I ever finish it.
Last night I read T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men," courtesy of John Ray. It's been a while since I've read poetry and I miss English 11 (which by the way was one of the absolute best classes I will ever have). I personally liked the fifth part of it. I somewhat remember how to cite, but to save me the embarrassment of citing wrong, let's just call this an excerpt of the poem:
"Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
....
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."
The truth in this got to me. I never thought of it before, but there are midpoints between points A and B. My personal interpretation of this relates to my last post: fear. Of death, of judgement, of wrongs, of failure and faults. But seeing as how the opposite of fear is love, that could be the cure. To be encouraged, consoled, accepted, forgiven, and to go out content.
I've never been one to openly share my thoughts on anything, but maybe it's time for a change. Praise God for all the people this week who have motivated me.
1 comment:
Lines 11 and 12 from Part I are among my favourite in the poem.
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